My Myriad Expressions

I am not a artist in formal sense of the term.  I am working as Psychotherapist since 2001. I have drawn and painted more than 60 pictures while undergoing personal and group psychotherapy during 2001-2.

I have kept these paintings on net to help my clients understand the long term therapeutic process.

I have also kept these posts to share my work with other artists and know their views and suggestions.

Who am I?

I have been intrigued right from childhood about who am I? Who I will be? What will give me real happiness? Why this world is what it is? Where will I go from here? Where have I come from? What will be end of this journey? Will I be able to mature myself into a final state of wisdom (Jnyan)

Regression in adolescence

An emotional need to look lovely, see the world as beautiful place to live, have company of good hearted people, learn and grow and enjoy company of smart people from variety of fields was all about the "romantic me".

Self-image before therapy

I sought for personal therapy, when I came to know that in spite of my tremendous and consistent efforts to find myself and be happy, I am feeling sad, lonely, with lot of baggage from my past with accumulated unfinished businesses. I knew how to deal with one's negativity theoretically. I wished to sit in front of therapist and let open all the garbage bags and see the lost "me".

Outer me, inner me

I had a feeling while sitting for the first time in front of my therapist that, I had a shining exterior (full grown tall tree with green leaves and flowers and fruits on left side) and a shabby black interior (tree whose main bark was empty because of termites and boring larvae, its canals were filled with anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, jealousy, frustrations, lost hopes, lost opportunities, die-hard unrealistic expectations from self and others etc. on right side)

Regressed yet comfortable

When I was talking about my adolescence, my aspirations, my world of medical school, teachers, friends, fun we had on special days...I just enjoyed talking and laughing.

I was in no hurry. I was committed initially to a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy before any long term work.

My soul trapped in darkness

Initially I said to my therapist that I will tell all my happy moments, and fun I had. Osho said once, the sorrow goes deep and fun remains on surface. Once we had a great laugh, I turned on to tell him about my dark hidden areas. As I went deep inside, I came to know about the infinity of that engulfing darkness. I stopped my occasional fake laughs since then.